Ode to Humility

To say that this situation has evoked the most humility might be a slight exaggeration, but only slight. Since September 23, 2010, I have had to ask other people for almost everything I need. I have fallen in attempts to get around. I have had clients help me when I would get stuck, drop something, try to shut the door, etc. Since being in the hospital I have had a catheter, had said catheter removed, used bedpans multiple times, been unable to finish dressing myself, had people (including men) get me on and off the toilet...help me pull up my pants. I have used a bedside commode. I have been unable to take a shower for about two weeks. I have people documenting every move I make and every bodily function that occurs or does not occur. I have zero privacy. Once I had a nurse forget that I could wipe myself and he attempted to wipe me after I used the bathroom.

And so, I have learned a lot about the concept and practice of humility. I still don't like it much, but it's getting easier to ask for what I need. It is easy, however once able to ask for what you need to forget what you can do by yourself, and this has definitely been my experience. For all I gripe about OT, I like it because Diane will say..."Ok, you need to get some foil." After I sit there for a minute and stare at her blankly, she says, "It's in that drawer over there." And suddenly I remember that I can get things for myself.

I hope that my experience carries over into my everyday life. I hope that I remember to ask for help when I need it, while being keenly aware of the things I can and should do independently. I hope that I become less afraid and ashamed when I need help, even when the help I need isn't comfortable. And, I hope that the next time I want time off from work, I use a slightly less elaborate method. I'll be honest. This whole injury requiring surgery thing is not very fun.