The Journey Thus Far

So this is the beginning of the middle of what will hopefully and wholeheartedly be the end. I have been essentially "disabled" since February with an enigma or enigmas of ailments that are not making themselves terribly clear. I have pain and stiffness every day, every night...all the time. Sometimes it is manageable with the narcotic painkillers and muscle relaxants I am prescribed, and sometimes I am in agony despite the medication. In addition to the joint and muscle pain, I have edema in my hands and feet--especially in my left foot. It is beginning to become painful.

Those who know me know that I lost my job in September of last year, was date raped 2 days before Christmas and that my mom died on February 7th of this year. It's been a hell of a year.

In addition to the joint pain, I have asthma, IBS, fibromyalgia, migraines, anxiety, depression and in my clinical opinion, PTSD. I'm not crazy. I used to think that I was, but I'm not--I have endogenous depression--chemicals in my brain that do not function as they should. I need medicine to correct this--just as someone with a hormone imbalance would need hormones to correct that imbalance.

Most recently, I am staring diabetes in the face. My blood sugars have not reached 200 yet, but they are getting there. I'm trying to accept that this is likely inevitable, and working to figure out options as far as how I might want to manage it. Also, my doctor feels that I have other endocrine issues going on--likely hormonal--adrenal in nature.

I work about 13 hours a week--a little more if you count the extra work I have to do. I also volunteer...but most of my time is spent going to doctor's appointments, doing physical therapy or resting...lots of resting.

I am weak. I am worn. I am tired. I pray that this can be figured out--I am so frustrated and so tired